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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

This is not entirely me

Masih lagi tiada mood untuk meng-upload gambar kahwin. Selagi saya tidak lagi menghantar tesis!

I was taken aback by some of the "talking behind my back" by those who think they are better in person rather than anyone else. They even doubt about my competency of having a child of my own!

Just because you talk nicely and not high in pitch, it does not mean you are pure in heart! WTF!
I admit myself, i like to curse, to swore to certain bad. bad. bad circumstances. I do. Being raised in the middle of the city and the world that need you to be competence, that would make you more aggressive and proactive i must say. But that just it. I barely hold grudge to people. I do not pretending. I hate even to be one.

I mean, only Allah knows you, right?

There some people who like to "utilized" me for their own sake. I was glad even sincere to be a helpful hand. But if they started to pissed me off, i would say "PERGI MAMPOS LA DENGAN SUME ORANG".

Do i look like i care?

eshol!

(WOO,....this is the evil side of me)

do not worry, this is not entirely me.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My favorite color is blue

Kenapa masa dalam kereta, ada baaaaanyak sangat benda yang saya nak cerita, tapi bila di depan p.c ni, kapoooff, hilang!!

Mungkin masa bersendirian, kita ada ruang untuk berfikir tentang diri sendiri. Saya masih seolahnya dihalangi sebuah batu besar di depan saya untuk update and upload about my wedding ceremony. Gambar pun ada dalam bentuk dvd, of which my poor laptop can not open it because this poor devices only has c.d player. So semuanya melambatkan kerja-kerja saya.

With my dear hubby is away from me, i am becoming mellow. I am missing him so much lately. rasa macam baru bercinta lepas kawen pulak. What a conservative i am! But this feeling is natural. It was not being induced by any one or any thing.

Saya juga dalam fasa edit2 tesis saya yang semacam tiada penghujungnya ni. Penulisan tesis ini sangat merimaskan saya. Penat kepala otak untuk berfikir tentang perbincangannya, cukup atau tidak?, About the pages, i forced myself to exaggerates a whole lot of craps out of it and etc. Urghhh bosan! i am sucks at writting! Let alone it is a scientific paper!

O ya! Has anyone heard about a new (if it is) song called "My favorite color is blue" by jade maze? Can i have it pleasee??

Ngeeee. Got to go, i want to finish what i have started!


Friday, December 12, 2008

YOU that make it real and fake not me..

There's so much craziness surrounding me
There's so much going on, it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of my priorities
When I've lost site of where I'm meant to be
Like colaaaaa water washing over me
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
You are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
'Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong but my heart is weak
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me yeah

And I'm running to you baby
'Cause you are the only one who'd save me
That's why I've been missing you lately
'Cause you make it real for me

Everybody's talking in words I don't understand
You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
You're shining in the distance
I hope I can make it through
Cause the only place that I want to be
Is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more I have to learn
But if you're here with me I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, Somewhere I can run
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
'Cause you are the only one who'd save me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

You make it real for me

Saya sangat suka lagu(by James Morrison) ini. Sangat menenangkan kepala otak saya yang sering berserabut bila pulang dari kerja.

Wah, sempat pula berblog?kan banyak kerja?

Tomorrow i will be having the PTD assessment.So, sekarang saya sedang berlakon untuk berlakon esok, sambil-sambil membaca berita, menghafal recent events and act and even sports section, Malaysian Football team WTF apatah yang aku baca.

So, Till i have the mood to upload the wedding pics yeah?

p/S: Sesiapa nak tgk wayang, JANGAN tgk citer leonardo dicaprio "Body of Lies" sebab cerita tu menghina Islam macam dorang tahu je Islam tu macam mana. Aku and the gang dah tgk, bila kuar mcm nak menyumpah seranah je.WTF.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I am married and back on track!woohoo!!!

Macam tajuk entry di atas, saya might sound a liilllll bit crazily happy. Kan? Guess what, yes I am.
Being married to the person who you do not really know if he is "The One" for you i guess it was not as bad as i thought it would be. Kawan saya kata mungkin sebelum kawen ada banyak syaitan yang merasuk and nak gagalkan perkahwinan sebab dengan itu mudah untuk berdosa. Yela, dating pun kira dosa gak sebenarnya. But no ones perfect kan?

So, this time i will not tell you about how was my wedding yet. Sebab nak ingat balik the sequence of events that had happened that day. Plus have to upload the pics. Takes a looooonnng time and moods.

FYI, i really hate papers. Not only papers but heaps of papers. Skang ni saya kena semak 5 subjek, and all the nonesense essays are just waiting to crack my head up.Benci! and lotssssssss of hatred!To those papers i mean. ;)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hadiah Terbaik Buat Kami.


Kerana tiada gambar lain yang update, saya letak gambar lama..

Kepada kawan-kawan yang mengenali kami, hadiah terbaik yang dipohon adalah doa semoga Allah memberkati perkahwinan yang bakal kami jalani sehingga akhirat, Dikurnia zuriat yang soleh dan solehah, diberkati umur dan rezeki dari ALLAH yang Maha Besar dan Agung, dilindungi Allah daripada gangguan syaitan yang direjam, dijauhi daripada azab api neraka dan diberkati Allah dunia dan akhirat..

Aminnn...

Our wedding on 09112008
@
Dewan MPAJ Taman Tasik Tambahan,
68000 Ampang, Selangor Darul Ehsan..

Those who know me, u are all invited ;)

Urusan perkahwinan

Sekarang adalah waktu yang memenatkan dalam hidup saya. Urusan perkahwinan memang melecehkan. I must be honest with this, if only i could have opt to be married in a simple way in front of few people i know and small makan2 thing. But regardless what i say, i still "should" be like this. Semalam baru sahaja jahit (dengan tangan, ok?) kain cover stor and it ended up at 2 a.m. Orang kata bakal pengantin kena rehat2, kan? Bukan saya.Enuf said.

Saya sangat tertekan dengan campur tangan beberapa pihak yang kadangkala merimaskan kepala otak saya. Contohnya bilik pengantin saya. Saya dah menetapkan warnanya sepatutnya putih all over, but, my aunts said, hey, why dont you put this and that and yada yada..? (yada-yada means put whats left from their sons last ceremony of which all the material were collided with entahapa2 punya color) And i was so tertekan.

Huwa... kenapa you all just do not let me decide???? This is my wedding kan?

Sebagai seorang perempuan leceh yang dikenali oleh beberapa kaum terdekat, saya amat cerewet berkenaan beberapa benda sahaja (bukan semua). Contohnya warna, benang yang berjuntai2 dari baju, kain (menyebabkan saya tidak tahan untuk mengguntingnya), susunan buku dan etc. Ohhh dan juga sebutan bahasa (pronounciation) kerana saya pernah membetulkan sebutan Dean saya o.k? (entah apa yang merasuk saya ketika itu. hahaha mungkin pernah diketawa oleh keluarga sebab tersalah sebut perkataan Ramlah Ram yang saya sebut Ram Ram Ram masa kecik2 dulu membuatkan saya berlatih dengan kamus utnuk membetulkan sebutan)

Ok, patah balik pada persiapan. Mujur ada kawan-kawan yang prihatin. Thanks to Mint for sewing my alas dulang, lin and her mum, yong, ina and ima and the gang siapkan my hantaran, yang lain hanya tahu cakap dan cakap dan merisaukan saya tanpa menghulurkan sebarang pertolongan dan menyebabkan saya sungguh bosan. Dan penat.

Bilik pengantin harus dipasang wall paper. Bila akak nak buat??

Make up. Saya juga agak bengang dengan kedai pengantin yang seakan malas nak layan permintaan saya untuk perkahwinan ni. Saya bayar, bukan free kan? What if i turn out to be disastrous monster ever after make up?

Tension. Need to get these things outtt!!

I know..above all these efforts to prepare my ugly rotten house to be better for my wedding, there would still be people who will look down on me and the wedding. To tell you the truth, i am not the kinda person who will give a damn to what people think. Your thoughts could not even bring me down. Cuma saya sangat cerewet demi kepuasan diri sendiri sahaja. Saya tahu, tak mungkin saya akan dapat perkahwinan dalam taman dan barang-barang hantaran yang branded2 mcm Gucci, LV and etc tapi pada saya apa yang penting? (tiba2 dalam emosi ni teringat cerita Wonder Pets pulak quotes: Apa yang penting?? kerjasama!") adalah kebahagiaan untuk saya hidup bersama-sama orang yang saya sayang dan cinta dan dia juga menyayangi saya seadanya.

O.k, Sekarang saya bersedia nak kahwin! (fuh lega after let it out of my chest!)






Monday, November 3, 2008

Hati yang sakit

Ada lagi lebih kurang seminggu untuk hari yang bahagia. Dan saya tidak pasti dan gusar kalau ia menjadi bahagia atau sebaliknya. Mudah-mudahan yang berbahagia la hendaknya..

Persiapan semuanya Alhamdulillah
Ada lagi yang tak siap. But im cool. Too cool?

Sebenarnya perasaan berkecamuk sekarang ni. Macam-macam yang nak difikirkan.

Minggu lepas ada berita yang mengejutkan lagi. Cuma di sini tak perlulah saya nyatakan. Cukup kalau saya katakan yang saya amat bersimpati pada dia. Salah seorang sahabat karib saya. Semoga dia tabah. Saya tidak tahu apakah saya boleh menjadi setabah dia atau tidak jika saya berada di tempatnya.

Hati saya mungkin sakit teruk..

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cranky n WTF laaaaaaa

Oh, i became cranky today. Just because my spoiled students and the bad, bad, baddd attitude!

The thing was, i had already given them material (i gave them, not on their own ok?) a month ago and hopefully they would read it heartfully hence present it properly. But, it turns out different way.

Enuf of that. i Dont wanna be cranky anymore.

As i scroll on the online news today, i came across this. I mean, WTF la ...kan?

Suami mengamuk isteri gagal lamar madu

KUANTAN 28 Okt. - Gara-gara gagal meminang seorang wanita untuk dijadikan bakal madunya, seorang warga emas cedera selepas dipukul suaminya dalam satu kejadian di Panching dekat sini Jumaat lalu.

Dalam kejadian pukul 6.30 petang itu, mangsa berusia 60 tahun juga diancam akan ditetak dengan parang dan ditembak dengan senapang patah oleh suaminya yang tidak berpuas hati terhadap kegagalan isterinya itu.

Timbalan Ketua Jabatan Siasatan Jenayah (Bahagian Siasatan dan Perundangan) Pahang, Supritendan Mohd. Haris Daud berkata, sebelum kejadian, mangsa dipercayai diminta oleh suaminya yang berusia 57 tahun supaya meminang seorang wanita berusia 30-an di kawasan berhampiran rumahnya.

Demi memenuhi hasrat suaminya yang bekerja sebagai pengawal keselamatan, kata beliau, mangsa bersetuju pergi ke rumah wanita berkenaan untuk melakukan peminangan.

"Mangsa bagaimanapun tidak jadi meminang apabila menyedari wanita terbabit sebenarnya telah berkahwin.

"Apabila dimaklumkan perkara itu kepada suaminya, suspek mengamuk, memukul dan mengancam mahu menyembelih mangsa dengan sebilah parang," katanya ketika ditemui pemberita di Ibu Pejabat Polis Kontinjen (IPK) Pahang di sini hari ini.

Mohd. Haris berkata, selain ingin mencederakan isterinya menggunakan parang, suspek turut mengugut akan menembak mangsa dengan senapang patah sekiranya enggan meneruskan peminangan.

Bagaimanapun, menurutnya, mangsa terselamat dan hanya mengalami cedera ringan selepas sempat melarikan diri ke rumah anaknya yang terletak berhampiran sebelum membuat laporan polis kerana khuatir terhadap keselamatannya.

Why does this happened? Kenapa? I am sure it was all about the lust. i really feel sorry for the wife and could not help myself thinking what if that happen to me some day?(mintak2 jangan la kan...)

These is the least that i thought i would do:
  1. If this thing happen to me, i will go straight to Pejabat agama to ask for divorce. I mean, what is still there if a husband that we should rely on tried to kill us just to fulfill his lust?
  2. Or i will aggressively cut his "P***$" with a sharp scissors. Ohh..for this i have to have one pair of it in storage. Yeah..yeah..i know,, cruel me..
  3. Escape myself to a place where i will not ever see his face again till i got the divorce done.

Maybe you will wonder why i am so sensitive towards the issue.
Ponder on..

Monday, October 20, 2008

Numbers..

Points about me:
  1. I feel i am trapped in myself. I should have fly on my own towards my dream. But it has not yet happening.
  2. Some of the students make faces (not feces) in the exam room facing my killer question. Do i look like i care? Tu la, siapa suruh taknak baca journal yang dah i bagi tu?
  3. Had a fabulous makan2 at ina's place yesterday. She has a beautiful big enough house i adored. Impian!
  4. Bak kata ayin, saya juga sudah gemuk. I am way too fat than you ayin! Untuk itu i ganti puasa (menahan nafsu dari maaaakaaaaan je)
  5. Got a cd player for my cheikabot (my car) after the radio turned down and gave up on me. Hahaha. There goes my pocket money (berkata sambil melihat duitku terbang).
  6. I have finished with all the borang for nikah. Fiuhh. Tetiba rasa taknak kawen, boleh?
  7. Terlalu banyak kerja ntuk disiapkan for my wedding preparation. But i just dont have the mood and enthusiasm to pull it out and done it. Err.. taknak kawen ke? (kawan2 pasti marah dgn statement ini)
  8. Baru baik dari asthma. Thank you aspergillus!
  9. Ada seseorang yang buat saya tak selesa dalam persiapan kawem ni.. saya macam tak mahu ajak dia sahaja. Jahat kan ?
  10. Bosan dengan orang-orang kaya yang berlagak. Dan kaum ibu yang bertudung litup, tapi meredhai anak berbuat maksiat. Saya tahu saya tiada hak dalam hal ini tapi hanya itu sahaja cara saya untuk membanteras. Ada 3 cara, saya tahu, tapi hanya mampu dalam hati.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Kampung ke bandar?

Bila orang tanya, kampung awak di mana? Saya akan ambil masa seketika untuk menjawab soalan itu.

Susah untuk dikatakan? Tidak juga. Cuma mungkin takut pada persepsi segelintir yang akan berkata atau menafikannya. Tapi kenyataannya adalah itu. Abah lahir di kampung Baru dan mak pula lahir di Bangsar. Arwah atuk juga lahir di situ. Mula-mula saya ragu juga, tapi bila terjumpa surat beranak atuk, saya yakin. Pasti.Jadi, bagaimana untuk menjawab soalan itu?

Saya akan menjawab yang kampung saya di Hulu Langat. Ya, itu kampung saya. Eh, bukan tadi kata kamu tiada kampung? Itu respons yang biasa saya terima. Kampung Hulu Langat itu adalah kampung tumpangan saja. Dulu, Arwah atuk menjadi peneroka kampung itu. Mereka pindah dari Bangsar ke sana.

Wah, Bangsar, Kampung baru segala. Sungguh KayELL! Tapi tak rupa pun?
Huhu untuk itu, saya tiada komen.

Dulu Arwah mak kata, Moyang kami (nama dia Stanbul, wah, macam orang arab saja?) yang meneroka kawasan bangsar bersama-sama dgn Arwah Hj. Abdullah Hukum. Dulu mak kata, Bangsar tu hutan. Belakang bangunan Telekom (sekarang) ada sungai. Dulu arwah mak dan adik-adik selalu mandi sungai tu. Sungai tu bukan macam sekarang, berkeladak. Dulu sungai itu jernih, boleh tangkap ikan lagi. Ada dusun juga di belakang itu. Arwah mak dan adik-adik berjalan kaki sahaja sampai ke kawasan C.M tolong datuk mereka berniaga nanas dengan orang-orang Cina di Petaling Street. Nanas itu diusahakan oleh arwah moyang di Bukit Nanas. Sebab itulah dapat nama Bukit Nanas. Jauh juga Bukit Nanas dan Bangsar, bukankah? Orang dulu- dulu kuat dan sihat. Itu arwah mak yang kata. Hampir 50 tahun dulu lah.

Tapi sekarang ada hanya tinggal 2-3 lot tanah je di Bangsar yang tinggal. Sekali sekala raya adalah kami akan menziarah kawan perkuburan (berdekatan Pantai Hill Park) tempat di mana atuk dan nenek2 kami disemadikan. Dengar kata, ada atuk sedara yang tamak dan penipu dah jual tanah di Bangsar dengan harga puluhan ribu sahaja. Tamak bolot semua seorang. Sekarang tanah di sana harga berjutaan. Dalam hati saya kata, kenapa tak boleh sabar sikit?

Harta dunia..alah... tak payah lah berebut (Atuk juga yang kata).
Huhuhu..



Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Forgivenes is divine..

Selamat Hari Raya everyone! Wow, the mood is really fake for me but still, i wanna wish everyone. Still, this come from my very own sincere heart. Huhu.

Raya was still lame for me, the same old the same old yada yada. And i still think that raya is full of drama. huhu.

But, lately i learned that forgiveness is divine. It is actually easy as ABC.

I was listening to one ceramah telling that if you do put off a relationship amongst you, your deeds will go nowhere. It will be wasteful and will not benefit you as long as you forgive others that have done wrong to you.

So, later that nite i was thinking and i was telling myself to try to be someone else that have full of forgiveness at heart. So i decided to forgive to all of knowing me for how bad i am.

To my friends Diana Remey, to my friends Lisa..I forgive you and ask for your forgivenes for what have i done wrong to you..

And even this goes to my stepmum who was a biatch at those times, for stealing our dad away from us at those times, For killing my lovely childhood times and for that i become quit a weirdo at times, For your efforts to trying to send us at orphanage once, For letting me grieve and turned me into someone who do not trust people easily and isolate me from this world. And nevertheless thank you. Thank you for all your efforts, I became Me right now.

I FORGIVE YOU and it was all between you and ALLAH right now.

I feel very relieved and such at ease for now.Alhamdulillah.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Innocent Man

I was pondering on how this life can change us.

Into something we are not. Or Destined to be.

Oh, that was just my thoughts. I had a lot of them this time around.

I was just finished 2 novels of Grisham's and maybe you might think that i should evolve too, rather than reading from the same author again and again. Oh, i just do not know. I fell in love with him. His writting and ideas. Superb and brilliant. At least that was my opinion.

One of the recommended novel of him ( if u are into suspense, thriller and excitement except for the fact you will learn a whole lot of Law's term in it), is The Innocent Man. It was the last book from him that i read and most frank and true story of all. Based on a true life of innocent man and i guaranteed to you that it is gonna be turning pages that kept you from doing anything!huhuhu.

Even i scared to plowed under it and survives knowing it's ending.



Friday, September 12, 2008

Just go with the flow,..

I had such a calamity about myself lately but i just go plowed with it. Ramadan seems nice to me, though, and somehow i would feel such at ease by this blessed month. Even i have to berbuka puasa with only me and my brother, or just me alone. Having thought of how i missed the family environment making me feel a bit mellow. But i guess, hey, this is the way my life is and there is nothing wrong about it. OR, at least i have my brother to accompany me to berbuka puasa. Just lacking all family material. Thats just it.

Sometimes i can be down even by all time i am a optimist kinda person. I always told myself that i have to be thankful of what Allah had gave me. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Since i am lacking of family material and stuff like, in other words, a real family environment, i really hoping for my friends. Even i had little of them and some are escaping with their own life that was just fine with me. And it is naturally that we seldom will hurts somebody else's feeling without us realizing it. Just the other day i had hurt my colleague feeling unintentionally and i totally regretted it. Since i already considered her as a dear sister of mine and presumed she can take all the pranks and jokes that had been threw to her by US actually.

Quickly i realized the cold and silence treatment from her and i began to ask for apologize from her the same day. And i think even it has been rectified i presumed, the things can not be the same as before. I will not repeat the same thing again, never exhume the things on my own again and will always alert by where the limit is.

So i was wondering what is the best way to be your self and still able not to hurt some one's feeling?

So that was it.





Friday, September 5, 2008

I want that!

I am a complicated person by sometime in my life. I think of too much and expecting too much out of it and resulting me the severe exorbitant pain in the arse i must say.Is it that maybe i like to torture myself or it just by the nature? See? i am thinking too much.

I am extreme.

Sometimes i think too much like i said. Sometimes i do not want to think of any.
But i am doing a lot of thinking lately about what lay ahead of me for me.

I had a friend who i considered her as my rival of a lifetime. She is very-very persuasive and had a low tolerance for her ambiguity in life. Maybe, i think that her life is almost perfect that makes her that way. And for that i envy her. She always knew what she wants and it seems that life is always cater her needs. Or was i just exaggerated?

And now she is pursuing her PhD in Edinburgh and of course was fully funded. Now i have the reason to be envy right?


But when i think into it deeply i found that maybe this is the best that Allah give me for my very good own sake.

But it is not wrong to be a competitious right people? In a good way though.


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Ramadan Al-Mubarak

Salam...

Oh saya sebenarnya sungguh bersyukur dan gembira kerana diberi Allah peluang untuk menikmati kelazatan beribadah di bulan puasa ini, Alhamdulillah..saya berpeluang menikmati solat taraweh di masjid mukim saya dan..... A lot of things that i when i think it back, it were all funny.

Ceritanya begini, selalunya saya akan mengambil tempat saf yang agak terkebelakang kerana saya selalunya menunaikan ibadah solat taraweh sebanyak 8 rakaat sahaja (konon2 untuk memberi peluang ibu-ibu yang sudah uzur untuk berpahala lebih) tapi sebenarnya memudahkan saya untuk..hehhehehe you know what im saying.. ... Dan pada hari pertama, di saf hadapan saya datanglah seorang ibu dan dua orang anak perempuannya.Salah seorang anaknya saya kira belum lagi mumayyiz dan memakai telekung yang berkartun2 (boleh?) Sudah tentulah hati saya yang imannya senipis kulit bawang ini akan selalu berkata-kata and always being distracted by that. Seperti contoh, hati saya yang tidak kuat ini akan mengagak apakah yang akan dilakukan oleh budak ini nanti? Ya Allah, ampunkan lah dosa-dosa saya kerana ini..

Mahu dijadikan cerita, setelah saya berusaha mencuba untuk menetapkan hati dan diri untuk khusyuk, pada rakaat terakhir, sedang saya sujud, kepala saya terasa seperti di hantuk oleh kaki budak itu. Aduh, sakitnya bukan kepalang. Sabar. Sabar. Sabar. HAti saya dipujuk diri sendiri.

Hari kedua berjalan seperti biasa, namun tiba-tiba, saya ternampak akan kelibat budak itu lagi! Tiba-tiba hati saya berdebar, entah mengapa saya pun tidak tahu.huhu..Dalam hati saya berdoa, janganlah ditempatkan dia di hadapan saya lagi..Alhamdulillah, dia berada selang satu baris di hadapan saya..

Hari berikutnya, juga pada antara rakaat terakhir, saya di uji lagi. Tiba- tiba, datang seorang budak lelaki yang saya kira umurnya dalam 8-9 tahun dan bertubuh agak besar dan debab, datang di hadapan saya dan, cuba untuk lalu di sebelah saya. Dan di antara saf, manalah ada gap bukan? dan disebelah saya pula, dinding! Aduh. Saya tidak pasti sama ada saya mendapat pahala atau pun dosa, Ya Allah, Ampunilah aku atas sifat kekurangan ku ini..

As for the conclusion, i think that these were some of the ways Allah wants me to be more patience towards life ahead. I just thought to myself, how do people in Mekah Al Mukarramah could survive and tolerate towards each other in such much more worse condition than mine?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sizes does matter..

I don't really know if some people could feel at ease when they have insult or humiliate other people as they think they are just joking. I mean, who gives the authorities or privileges to them to be saying so?

When i was in school, i used to be called CIK PUAN BESAR a.k.a permaisuri agong siti aishah as they "thought" my face was slightly similar like her which i think they said it just because of the size(Not a chance pon kan???kan?) so,i lived on with the name. I got discriminated in school during any events such net ball/volley ball/handball player elections. Only girls with looks and presentable body could be elected as player. I used to the object to be referred to when it comes to sizes. I used to put fake smiles in front of everyone just so they did not know what i gone through.. I dont know if i am paranoid or what but the word BESAR always, always offends me. I lived with the very slow down self esteem and this resulting me as an introvert kind of person.

Until that i discover i am not that bad in the sense of education. I managed to get myself to University and now obtaining the Master Degree Alhamdulillah ... It is not that i want to boast my self in here but the fact that you can stand up by your own feet despite all the condemns and humiliation towards you. World is being created by Allah with variation just for the human to live together and i think those relationship and connection must based on the respect towards each other.


Monday, August 25, 2008

PTD and Shopping.

It has been so long since i updated my blog. I been busy by attending my students viva(which i consider it) and bombarded them with the questions that really intriguing i must say!hahahaha..

So last weekend i attended the PTD exams. After been a long time since i had the last exams, i felt so excited for the exam.I would rather say in general that the questions provided were easy yet not much time was given (i end up tembak about 5 maths questions) and honestly answered all of the sahsiah diri section. I think i flunked out on the Malay essay instead english essay. Sigh.

So myknightandshinningarmour and i went to shopping for the hantaran at KLCC yesterday. The fun part was that i discovered my shoes oasis at KLCC! yippie (ye la, kaki panjang sangat so that i very2 excited that i discover it!). So we shop until we drop and i really2 love the feeling! So i said to myself, so this is how richest would feel when they when shopping?(for me i dont really know whether i would have the chance to do it again or not in the future.. Alhamdulillah we settled down every hantaran items. The next task is the HIV test. I never knew marriage would be this hard..It takes a lot of efforts and planning and executions. Commitment in all. Sighhhhh...






Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Payback time!



I made believe that life is not always beers and skittles. And some times when u are up, definitely there will be time that u will go down. That makes me stop from a hilarious laughter whenever i was in the middle of wackiness. i can never be the same old me i used to be before. My life has changed and i have to face it by myself..

FYI, i am teaching for a tuition class of a whole bunch of budak-budak kelas belakang. When i meant budak-budak kelas belakang, it did not mean that they are not clever but they are lack of attention and their behavior are sometimes intolerable. I was patience enough so i tolerate even more with this kids. Some how i came into conclusion that they are lack of attention and craved for more of it. I think from everyone. Teachers, friends and parents maybe?

I used to be one of them(in the sense, lack of attention, bukan kelas belakang). Back in school. I was a prefect who was ruling my school with my own rules. i came in late but pretend to watch out for the later at the entrance. I brought forbidden items where everyone else were forbidden to do so. I ignored some teachers that i did not like. Like they were never existed. I am terrible student. Now, it is a payback time!Serves me right!.

So, it is not that whats annoys me. What does annoys me most was the payment! It was not worth of all the sweats of high pitch that i served for them in class. yup..i will definitely quit this time and will try some other way to make extra money..

I am tired!Some more tiredness..

I am so terrible tired of finishing my writting. And alhamdulillah, he coorporated well with me this time. got the second draft and he said that i can submit the thesis by this month,yeay! (insyaAlllah). This time around i am so optimistic and forgive me to say this, but i cant even bear it anymore...huhu..

So, cheer up guys!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Quikie me!

Random about me and my life in a quikie (nak balik dah dari opis):

  1. I was on medical leave last two days thanks to the toxin of blood cockle that i ate. Resulting me severe tummy cramps and headaches.
  2. I bought some hantaran stuff already and my jahitan manik improved on my test item. Can proceed to the next task which is my baju nikah.hehehe
  3. Im on the verge of completing my thesis after a long long long way..huh. Ini adalah rentetan daripada semangat yang baru saya dapat daripada kak yan, my collegues.
  4. Kak yan already graduated (UM) yo! Tahniah!!
  5. Mint the clerk pregnant for her second child.Congrats!
  6. Just got a new handphones from myknightandshinningarmour. Again, bersamamu segment kah?..This time yang ada camera.huhu we are so so so behind technology, sian kitorang...
  7. We have new celcom numbers. I will give u my number soon ya?
Till then, have a good weekend ahead! ;) wink2!

Monday, August 4, 2008

I am missing something...

Saya berasa amat bosan dengan keaadaan seperti ini sekarang. Tiada kemajuan, sebarang pencapaian yang membanggakan pun tidak nampak batang hidungnya. Diri, maafkan saya kerana terlalu tinggi harapan digantung!

To add up pain in the heart, myknightandshinningarmour just left me! No. No. No, it is not what u are thinking. He left me back to Ipoh to continue his job there after almost 14 days spent here in KL. Was i mushy? Was i dependent enough so that i really feels he is not here with me?

So again i really feel i am not being myself anymore. Since i am convinced enough by myself that i am independent girl and do all my own things without any help (oh yes, i paid my car, house rent and bills, lots of them) by my own, i felts something is missing deep in my heart. Alahai! gelabahnye aku ni kan? But thats the fact. I miss him! and i never missed someone like this before! (Even i had a llooooootsss of exs)...useless one though..

I am independent, ok? i cant feel or be this way!..not a single time!

Now i could feels the pain one who being left by the husband either they passed on or they just left. It really hurts when you love someone and you just really dont showed it that much..

Or..maybe you and i, together we can blame my imbalance hormones (dah dekat due kot)..So this way i became lil mushy and lembek!!yak takssss!!

Ohh i reallyy misssss himm!!!

Ye, this is the time you all can call me minah jiwang..Busukkk

Monday, July 28, 2008

SEX and the city

Me and fiance went to movie marathon last weekend. We managed to see Dark knight, Sex and the City and Hell boy 2 (not recommended, coz i think it was braggy though). Although i am a big fan of Batman, but i rather see myself liking Sex and the city much,much ,much moreee..ngeeh..

but why?





I think the story line was exciting, not because i am a women who looks this way but rather i found it really sincere and meaningful. it completes every gurls could ever dream of, let say, shoes (for my passion), friends who was there whenever needed.

And speaking of friends, i envy them in the movie. Simply because they understand and most importantly respect each other even they were in different thoughts. It almost bring me to tears, (yeah i know, i know, little mushy eh?) when Carrie Bradshaw played by SJC came to Miranda Hobbes played by Cynthia Nixon on the New years eve just to tell her that she was not alone.

And speaking of passions (read the above, my passion and weakness), i cant resists shoes. No matter how hard i tried, but i might be hating myself for this but to tell you, i bought 2 pairs of Primavera shoes. Nah. Im dead gulity.

I blamed the mega sale for this. It was it's fault. Not mine.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Not in the mood.

I had already tried my best to come up with anything to filled up to this post but i find it hard to do it. So i feel like to open my mind and heart and let us see what's in there, shall we?

This morning i was late to work, and konon2nye, tried to persuade my self to be more in mood to do my work. I open my laptop and it seems i still don't get enough of the mood so i clicked to my blog, hopefully to get the mood.

No, it is still gone. Nowhere. It is not somewhere near here. I think im stucked in here.

I once in a while blamed my self for having the high expectations on myself. It took me some time to get my feet back on the ground. And the time flies so fast and i seems to be left behind. And maybe that caused my mood to be down O.

And oh yes, last two days i had an asthma attacked and that thanks to the durian that i ate even i a very limited portions. I restricted myself and after taking those ventolin pills ( i ran out of inhaler) i finally breath up easily again, Alhamdulillah. some might hate me for this. Sorry guys.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

DEBAT hati..

Suatu pagi di pejabat, bersama rakan sekerja ditemani nescafe panas dan meehun (walaupun mahu berdiet tapi meehun?), kami membincangkan topik DEBAT antara DSAI dan Shabery. It turned out that some of the colleagues has the same thoughts as mine. Interesting!

Rata-rata berpendapat bahawa kelogikan disebalik pihak kerajaan yang tidak pernah mahu memahami persoalan yang membelengu rakyat. Pendapat saya, mereka tahu, tapi buat-buat tidak tahu. Motifnya ada, renyah katanya. Cubalah memimpin, baru tahu. Itu kata mereka, tapi bukankah itu tanggungjawab kerajaan untuk dilaksanakan? Saya dan rakan-rakan lain bingung. Begitu sukarkah untuk memahami kosa kata rakyat? Natijahnya, mereka tidak menjawab soalan akibat ego mereka. saya mungkin di band kerana ini.

Jangan salah anggap. Saya bukan PRO kepada mana-mana. Neutral. Itu masih saya. Saya lebih selesa memerhatikan dan membuat tafsiran sendiri yang mana betul dan mana khilaf. Tetapi, sebagai rakyat Malaysia yang biasa, saya akui saya measih begitu jauh ketinggalan dalam bidang politik yang pada masa ini saya kira agak jijik dan kotor. Politics = dirty. Tetapi saya masih mahu belajar memahami. Cuma sejak kebelakangan ini, saya kira tahap kematanagn saya sudah bertambah dan hasilnya, saya tidak cepat lagi untuk terjun dalam membuat keputusan.

Luas skop perbincangan kami sehinggalah salah seorang dariapada kami membuka cerita kesukaran hidup suatu masa dulu. Katanya, dia pernah berpengalaman berjalan kaki kesekolah pagi-pagi dan baginya, itu sahaja adalah suatu kesukaran kerana pada kebiasaanya, bapa yang sering menghantar ke sekolah. Saya terkedu. Apakah standard saya di sisinya jika difikirkan balik, sepanjang hayat berjalan kaki ke sekolah. Bahagia sungguh dia. Saya masih lagi senyap. Tambahnya lagi, setiap tahun berganti baju sekolah. Saya? Ah! malu untuk berkata, namun hakikatnya, baju pengawas saya hanya sehelai dan telah dipakai sehingga tingkatan 5. Ironi sungguh saya dengannya. Tapi saya fikir, inilah dunia. Bervariasi. Dan. Bahagian masing-masing.

Ada rakan saya yang masih bingung dan seraya berkata pada saya, mengapakah nasib dan perjalanan hidup seseorang itu tampak begitu lancar dan hampir tidak menghadapi masalah (walaupun jika ada, tidak begitu serius)? Itu soalan yang pernah terlintas oleh saya pada ketika saya down. Teringat kata- kata seorang sahabat, Sabarlah, Allah telah mengadakan ukuran bagi setiap sesuatu. Dan Allahlah yang maha mengetahui dan maha berkuasa. Maka, ketenangan sering menjadi milik saya ketika berpegang pada kata-kata itu. Maka, itu juga yang saya kata kepadanya. Mata kami berkaca.


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Empty..

Here is so empty.
Thou everyone of you are here,
To become someone who cant be seen
Awaits
Till its over,
The path that you choose,
Lead me to an empty world,
Empty as it may seems,
So broken inside and it bleeds..
Mercy I beg,
To you who can hear me,
Those little days are gone. Hushh now, let me breath..
Till the end of it, I will be..



Monday, July 14, 2008

Ayin..


To Ayin..,My dearest friend..
The one who has endured the grievousness moment with me once upon a time ago,
But always a fighter,
Hoped the days ahead may be filled of joyful cherished moments with the loved ones.
May you be in a well condition,
May you have the prosperous future,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY AYIN!!

kawan sampai akhirat ye?



Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Saya tahu, Allah juga tahu..

Sudah agak lama juga saya tidak menulis blog. Semuanya disebabkan kekangan masa akibat daripada kesibukan bekerja. Betapa tidak, kerja menimbun-nimbun dan membukit-bukit. Im so overwork, and soooooo underpaid. Enough said.

Kejadian semalam berlaku dalam keadaan yang penuh mendebarkan. Now i have to live with it.
Ohh, saya begitu tidak mempunyai sebarang perasaan yang mendalam untuk menulis blog. Jiwa kacau, mungkin..

Seboleh-bolehnya saya mencuba bersabar dalam keadaan tenang yang skalanya hanya saya dan Allah sahaja yang tahu.

Jumpa lagi...

Friday, June 27, 2008

Another vain..

Ouupss he did it again! After i have been waiting for almost a year and what have i got again and again was. DISSAPOINTMENT. I have no idea on how to approach him. To get it done.

I can not be bias.
I can not get mad at him. (Because he is the ONE who could fail me)
I can not spill it out to his face (as the same reason)
I can not report it to the highest authorities.
I HAVE to pay the school fee again. (thanks to him for the delay)
I am terribly MAD at him.
Im dead broke. (People cant understand my situation. no one does)
I feel like drowning.
I want to take a break from ALL these nonsense.
I want to run away. (To places that no one could have known me)

BUT ...of course i cant do All of that, could not i?

A good cry, can it help me?


Mercy on me,.... Please.





Wednesday, June 25, 2008

My birthday Bash

I was never been surprised for my birthday bash cuz usually i dont celebrate it as much people do with all the parties and such. Just not my custom i think? i remember that the last birthday that i had was when i was nine years old. Come to think of it. Hahaha

SO. Lucky me that fiance had a meeting at Putrajaya and he managed to spend time with me after that. He gave me this for my birthday. Thanks hunny!


A novel of my long time favorite author, Grisham!

And ALso the fabulous lunch we had.

So, when he brought me to dinner at just kopitiam (OLDTOWN, bad.bad.bad. service), while prior to this he keeps on mentioning fancy place for the dinner, i began to sulk. Here the proof. hahaha
Gambar ni perlu dikecilkan, sangat hodoh.

When he tried to snap my sulking-ugly face, i out burst a hilarious laugh. Cant control it. Hahahaha.



And we chat over this creamy ice tea and out of nowhere, came these monsters to surprise me up. Together with the Secret Recipe's Choc Mud Sinful BAD.BAD.BAD. Cake. hehehe. They really surpised me cuz i just thought that they might not be coming and usually we just lepak at mamak's.

From David Cook!BUT, Ipoh Mali.hehehe


Me, Yan and Yong. They planned this for me!

Itu! Kek Sedap!

It's Me. Killing it softly..

It's piece a cake!

So, i thanks to this Myknightandshinningarmour for the lovely birthday bash i ever had in my life..i love him even more time by time..And also to yong, yan and ima that had put on all their effort to make it happened. Thanks guys!

And also to Ayin for the blog about my birthday.

;)

Monday, June 23, 2008

26.


TODAY.
Is my 26th Birthday.
As always,
I'm hoping for the better life and world full of love and bless.
May Allah bless me and the life i have.

And..only animated cake that i got for myself..



Thursday, June 19, 2008

To L..this one is my heart out..

Basically, i find that blog is the only way to channel all of my feelings inside. Sometimes it gets even harder to speak up to people rather than blogging. Either way, some will find blogging is useless. So this is the only way to speak.

I do not know how "bitch" i am when it comes to the friends concepts. In the sense, i think i am losing some of friends by the time goes by.. I just do not know where it went wrong. whether i am snobbish-stuck up bitch, selfish or ignorant S.O.B., or taking them for granted??? perhaps?? i really need to know like sometime i feel like a cat who wanted to know the truth until it kills ya..So guys, if you read this out, i am open to accept the confessions.

Maybe you think that this is mushy thing to blog about, but to tell you the truth, i really value all of my trusted friend (the one who can/ used to be in my circle of life)...

i had 2 friends, L and D ( For her, i really do no want to talk about).... L is a teacher is some isolated area in sarawak or sabah eh? (i always get confused those sabah and sarawak area). i known her since i was at UKM and we get close to each other, We shared the same interest on tennis, clothes, shoes, loved hangin out together at KLCC (Masa naive dolu2 suka g sana), and we almost shared joyful and tears together.

I thought that she is my best friend at the time. If she cant remember all of my concerns where when nobody else wanted to take care of her, no one even wanted to be by her side when she needed companion,and no one even bother to bring her to the hospital when she was sick, i cant say more am i?. So ironically, NOW she went over blast in the friendster claiming that she had the best of friends and left me out of the list. Boleh? Sort of like ignoring my existence.

One thing that i notice to myself is that i am downright kinda person. I hate hypocracy and basically i just tell what inside my heart to people straight to their faces. To L, she claimed that her life is so unworthy just because she is still single. At first, i tried to console her and tell, "hey, it is ok to be single at this time around because u are still young, attractive and u have to enjoy life to the fullest".

She excepted it and this didn't last long. I didn't even bother to pick her calls during the night (where tomorrow is the working day), during kenduri (where i sneaked out from the crowd just to listen to her problem) and even during shower!. She didn't know this because i really care for her feeling ( tak mahu terasa hati)..

One day, i thought of it was better to tell her truth when she text me saying that why men can't understand her and why life is cruel to her and why everything seems wrong to her..My reply was,

"L, i think you like to complicate your life while it is not that bad. Come on, why dont you just relax and chill out and enjoy your life. By the least, u still have ur family, ur mum to turn too while im not, and there are a lot of people that are less fortunate than you"


There. I said it. And. Kappppooofff! Off she goes and never come back.

For L, i would like to say i never ditched her away from my life and i will never ever take back my word for the fact that it was all the truth. And if you can not except me and for what i said, u are welcome to hurt my heart back by telling me where i went wrong to u..




Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The happening..


Last nite me with my fiance went for a movie of Mr. Night Shymalan, The Happening. I must say that the movie was scaring indeed. Why? i gives credits to Mr. Night Shymalan for the brilliant idea and obviously he has done his homework by research.

As a biochemist, i found this story as interesting as it can be compared to my fiance ( He is from engineering line so he does not speak biology). It was about the war between nature and human being. The story line was asimilated from a nature phenomenon known as "Red Tide" where the trees releases a chemical that functions as neurotoxins that acts antagonistically to the neurotransmitter of human being. That will cause people to stop think rationally and somehow triggers themselves to suicide in the most gruesome way. I do think that the actions of toxins will cause chaosity in the human brain. AND to make it worst, this toxins is an airborne! As i watched it, i really feel it real. i really do.

Mark Wahlberg acted as science teacher that understand the nature and survive the "tide" until it was over. At the same time, Mr. Night Shymalan has touched the audience with a little bit of love by the wife.

At the end of the story i think that Mr. Night Shymalan has succedeed to scares the audience, and this time, not with the ghosts and zombies, but indeed with the other way. What can i conclude here is that, the thing that is always close to us, and really can soothe us can also be the deadliest thing ever in our life. And Mr. Night Shymalan has found it and make it to the people.

And oohh.. before i forgot, there has been some flaws in the movie where people can see visible microphone (or the boom) that were used in this film. I catched to see one.

I gave 3.5 stars to the movie. hehehehe (rasa macam movie crytic plak)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Gambar pertunangan Norazrin dan Mohd Fazli..

Seperti yang dijanjikan..saya akan memuat turunkan gambar2 pertunangan saya pada 22 Mac 2008. Too many flaws.I'm truly sorry. So, here's goes:


1. Bersama my future mom in law


2. Ketika menyarungkan cincin..menyampahhhhh..(tak pandai posing, tiada lapik bantal yang proper ok? sampai skrang tak puas ati)

3. Bersama mama jejajo, kakak saya..ye..ye..dia memang free hair, ok?

4. Bersama future sis in law, ana..dia pon dah bertunang..

5. Bersama tunang saya yang comel..hehehehe

6. Saya dan dia lagi..hehehe...



So that was all about my engagement ceremony..ada beberapa ralat di hati yang mana saya tak perlu ungkapkan di sini..seperti contoh, ketidakhadiran beberapa orang penting dalam hidup saya..

-END-

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Rising of the Black Gold...

Well..more and more disaster is coming..

The latest was the rising of the petrol price as much as 40% that is from RM 1.92 to RM2.70. And that was BULLSHIT. Enough said.

Err..i still wanna talk about though.. i mean the idea of increasing the price of the valuable "black gold" was totally ridiculous. And the idea of rebate also does not make any "F WORD" sense. I mean it was not fair to those people (like me) who has the "unsatisfying" salary AND travel far-far away from my work place to my home. Di mana KEADILAN???!!! hehehe (errr can u still smiling at this time chokin' around?)...sigh....

Lucky me that i was already filled up my tanks prior to the rising.. But then i still have to came over the the massive traffic jam yesterday caused by the "PETROL MEGA SALE"..thanks to our government for the brilliant idea to rise up the price of the petrol and super duper genius for constructing the MRR2 inefficiently hence causing us the Malaysian citizens much much more in vain.

To add up more pain in the arse, i bumped to watch one of the panel of consumer rights to speak of the issue of the rising price of the petrol and what has came out from his "F WORD" mouth was really2 annoying. What was he said? He said that this is the time for the rakyat to show their ability to manage the monthly budget and spend money "more" wisely. Ok. That was Shitty.

O.K...Maybe i am not the economist who knows the economy things like the back of my hand but still i have to voice out my unsatisfaction towards the issue. Something has to be done in order to attract more outside investment into our country to upgrade the economy.

And the salary of worker in the private sector has to be increase in order to minimize the rakyat's burden (like me). I do feel there was a lot of difference between our nowadays kerajaan and 10 years back. Ohh. now i miss the touch of the previous government...Am i being overrated?..Come on man, i just voice out my opinion and as the democratic country, i am freely can speak what ever i wanna speak, am i? Take it or leave it.

I am thinking about restructuring my way of life,..to cope with this issue. Maybe i rent a house near to my office so that i can walk. Or even by bicycle, perhaps? and cut of lunch or prepare food from home..cut down shopping. no more shoes. no more outside food galore. no more movies. Sit back and enjoy the pain at my home.

I hate my life right now. I really do. Mind me people..i have the rights.


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Sorrow ...

I just got back from attending one funeral of one of the relatives that she died because of cancer in the liver. Mixed up with my own feelings, i am terribly hating my self right now and eventhough i am not supposed to feel like that. i looked back at all the sins that i have done in my life just make me feel that i am not ready to die at this age simply because i have not repenting at some of the things that i have totally regretted did it last time in my life..and there seems not much of ibadah (sunnah) that i do nowadays selain dari yang wajibla..

We can not know when we are gonna die, arent we?

Semoga roh Allahyarhamah makcik timah binti hj amin dicucuri rahmat..dan semoga diampunkan dosa2nya..amiiin...

and back to my sorrowfulness-pathetic kinda life..(actually i kinda happy with this way..err is ayat penyedap hati norazrin??)

i am again feeling a bit of disappointed, jealousy and tired of some people that keep whining at small stuff or things that they think that was all the burden in the world that they have to come across to.

A friend of mine was calling me up at one day while i was in a middle of a work just to say that she was a bit hurted by some people's thought or a comment to her. i fell like as she was spill it all up to me, i was not focusing at the issue but rather to self pity my self (i know i shouldnt done that) but yeahh, i was devastated actually. in a real life. much than her do. Why cant people like her that always gets what they want in life be thankful and bersyukur to Allah for all the blessing? that was emblazoned in my mind..

how come you can be affected by someones opinion or thoughts? i mean like me, i like to mind my own business and alhamdulillah up until now i can survive out of it.

i need a good sleep la..

Monday, June 2, 2008

Shelot's Wedding reception

Hi Kawan2..apa kabar? sihat tak semuanya? bagus...

Hari ini saya mahu mengupas topik perkahwinan kawan saya yang bernama shasila tokiran, atau nama komersialnya adalah SHELOT..Tahniah kepada dia kerana telah selamat menunaikan sebahagian sunnah Rasul..these are some of the photos:

This is me, bergambar dengan pengantin..


Saya lagi..kekoknye berada atas pelamin..(hehe takut runtuh mungkin?)


oh..All of these make me feel more nervous just to think about the BIG word. MARRIAGE. i just self conscious just to think about the perfect wedding dress, how am i gonna do to smile perfectly when the photo session, can the catering promise me that the guests feel more satisfy with the food?

Can i do marriage? can i believe that this will promise me a happy way kind of life ahead?
Ok.. i am mengada-ngada kan?

............(Bunyi cengkerik)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Three days grace..

This world will never be, what I expected.
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it?
I will not leave alone everything that I own
to make you feel like it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
still I hear you say you want to end your life...
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around,
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.

No one will ever see this side reflected. And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it...?
And I have left alone everything that I own.
To make you feel like it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around,
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late...

The world we knew won't come back.
The time we've lost can't get back.
The life we had won't be ours again.

This world will never be what I expected.
And if I don't belong.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.(It's never too late!)
It's not too late.
It's never too late.


This cool masterpiece is my fav song for the time being..if you look back the lyrics and the meaning between those lines, somehow it would reflect the life anyone of us..and i love to hear if David Cook sing this songs with his guitar..it would be niceyy..

Anyway, life has been pretty collided nowadays. while im trying harder to finish up what i have started, everything seems to push me even harder..apparently it was all regarding my thesis. After almost a year of waiting, i managed to gain my guts to tell him that i was not really satisfied the way he treat my thesis. And that was done via email though (coz it will not be spoken by me properly face to face)..

and i didnt get his reply for those 3 days back (due to the holiday)

And i was awaken by his sms telling me to send back my abstract in malay and english the next morning ( at this point, i was so at the hype of energy and very thankful coz he was willingly (so i thought he would be one) checking my thesis in a prior state)

and the next morning too, as i wanted to send my abstract, i was again awaken by the reply
"I dont like your explanation and thank you for telling me that i am not doing my job". Boleh?

Rasa nak menangis.

Why he could not see it my way? Even at least consider it? Who would have guessed it right? Muka baik, smiley all the time will treat you like........rubbish. There. i said it this time around. (im sorry for the harsh word)

Im just hoping he could understand my situation (as i trade my pride and guts just to blurt out on everything ) and have some mercy on me please.

And Yong had advised me to report to the higher authorities for this circumstances. that serious?

Moral of the story, never assumed anyone that is looking all right on the surface will be good inside out too. I happened to have experience with this kind of people. And vice versa.

P/s: To those who read my blog and happen to know who is my supervisor is, please dont expose this lil' anger to him ( for the fact that i dont mix up personal and profession all together)





Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Inspiron..

Last weekend was filled up with shopping session with kak bai, my beloved ex room mate cum my sister. We went to buy her a laptop at low yat Plaza at bukit bintang area..after wandering the 4th level about half day long, she managed to get herself a firm grip on decision.

It was Dell Inspiron 1520 series. It was in whitey colur baby!!! cantik giler.. it looks nice, sophisticated and giddy..hehehe

Mid-size (6.40 lb), This series 1520 features an Intel Core Duo Processor (up to 2.5 GHz) with , integrated Intel X3100 or NVIDIA GeForce Go 8400M GS/8600M GT. (Note for those who buta I.T like me, NVIDIA GeForce is for graphic design and gaming, pendek kata kalau ada benda alah ni, gambar grafik lagi cantikla..)

AND It comes in a variety of colours too..geram je..

And one of my friends has said that i have the power of charming in begging for mercy in order to get some freebies and the list goes as:

1) One laptop bag pack (it was black in colour..so..so..elegant)
2) One Dell laptop bag (yang biasa punyer)
3) One Note book lock
4) One cooling Fan Pad
5) USB Port
6) Wireless Mouse
7) 2 units of 2 Gig pen drive of Kingston Brand (one is for me, kata kak bai, upah air liur.hahahaa)
8) One woofer speaker
9) One earphone and Mic

hehehe..

And later that night i brought her to Down town cheras for some underground planning to be work in near future (also cant wait for this thing to be accomplish)..



Thursday, May 15, 2008

To Dear Somebody (Respective person only my heart knows)

I feel so vulnerable right now...

I am tired and so sick of my condition right now.

I have to get some rest somewhere in my territory..

I am so vulnerable just because i am introvert and do not have a good enough interpersonal skills that can make me mingling with other.


Sometimes i feel some people will only judge me on the surface.

They do not have any idea on what i am and what i am capable of..

You know what? i dont even give a damn care about what your expectation on me cause you have O(ZERO) on me.

Ok, this is to the people who is looking down on me
1. Even u are somebody, i just wanna tell u that i am not as what u are expecting
2. I know what i am, and what i am capable of
3. I am strong and independent and i dont even crack under great damn pressure(I live by my own, drives my own car, i dont call my daddy just to get my car
serviced, ok?)

4. And YOU, will NOT bring me down. EVER AGAIN!

Ok..im through..fuhhh...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What a nite!

Last night i had a mixture of exciting dreams i must say (err..even some horror element was there too)..

I was in an army squad where my team must escape from U.S. Troop and we had (i dont even know my team members in the dreams) our face covered with black ink to camouflage ourselves from the U.S. Very enticingly, there was a scene where i was about to climb up a stairs and had to laid down because the U.S troop was behind me and it was so dark that they didnt even noticed that i was there! at the same stairs! hahaha..lawaknyer la.. and it was very exciting feeling u know..( I must say that i am rarely have a dream during my sleep time, and maybe because of this, i feel this dream is quit interesting)..

And we managed to escape..

Then suddenly out of no where, i was in the middle of the CSI site where i was totally in no more army suit, and i had to follow the suspects to reveal where she had the corps hidden. And the women is so skinny and has this dull and pale face ( err she seems so spooky and scary) and it seems that we were all alone at the crime site..

I had to bent down again and to my surprise, i finally saw the dead bodies were hanging up upon the wall and the blood was everywhere..and she was smiling mischievously towards me ..

and then we were at the police station ( to my surprise the station was at Sunway Pyramid, boleh?) and there was no one there and soon after i want to go out, the women hold my hands and said that she wants to follow me (knowing how her modus operandi, it really bothered me at that time) and i said that "no, u cant come with me, your place is here"

i said it firmly. No doubts. I was scared. Very much indeed.

and kapoof!! i woke up at 4.30 a.m..

and i feel really scared and since i was having the bad time with my fiance, i cant seems to SMS him to tell him that im scared, am i? (babes, tak machola kan?)

hahaha

What a nite!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Selamat Hari Ibu, MAK...

Selamat Hari Ibu, MAK...

Ada yang memanggil dengan panggilan ibu, mak, bonda, umi , mama, mummy and etc,...tapi aku memanggil insan istimewa yang melahirkan manusia bernama norazrin ini dengan panggilan MAK..

Kisah aku dengannya tidak lama..hanya bertahan dalam masa 19 tahun, 3 bulan, 2 hari..namun aku amat berterima kasih kepadanya kerana melaluinya aku kini Alhamdulillah telah menjadi orang yang berguna (setidak2nya tidak lagi membebankan sesiapa)

Sejak aku berusia 6 tahun lagi, abah, lelaki yang sepatutnya membela kami anak beranak telah memilih jalan hidupnya sendri, membuatkan mak dan 4 lagi anaknya (termasuk adikku yang cacat pendengaran) terkapai-kapai hidup sendirian. Mak pada awalnya berendam air mata saban hari, aku dan kakak tidak mengerti apa2..hanya memandang dengan penuh pengharapan supaya mak dapat menjadi seorang wanita yang gembira macam masa dulu..tapi mak menangis, kami dibawa berjalan-jalan ke merata tempat (dengan niat dapat ditipu dan ditutup penderitaan mak) oleh makcik2 dan pakcik2..sehinggalah mak dapat menerima hakikat dan mulai berdiri atas kakinya sendiri..

Sejak hari itu, aku tidak pernah melihat mak menangis lagi, mungkin pilihan yang dibuat adalah jangan menoleh kebelakang lagi. Dengan tulang 4 kerat mak, kami disekolahkan (benar, aku tidak pernah dibiaya abah seluruh persekolahanku) along dan akak disebabkan tekanan yang dihadapi dan kurang bimbingan , tidak begitu menyerlah dalam persekolahan..otak kanak-kanakku berfikir dan mula berimaginasi, along dan akak sebenarnya pandai, kata hatiku memujuk diri..

Tahun berganti tahun..Darjah 6 aku telah mengecewakan mak dengan keputusan upsr yang kurang cemerlang. Mak yang ketika itu cuba menyembunyikan perasaan kecewa berlagak seperti biasa. Namun dari riak wajahnya aku tahu.. sejak itu aku berazam menebus kembali..

Kenangan disekolah yang tidak dapat aku lupakan adalah masa itu hujan lebat, aku di tingkatan satu..dari kejauhan aku lihat mak meredah hujan dengan payungnya menjemputku, air mataku pada ketika itu mencurah-curah dan mak hairan sambil ketawa melihat aku menangis, mak kata aku kememeh..ya mak, aku anak kamu yang kememeh..

Kekecewaan mak dapat kutebus melalui keputusan pmr yang cemerlang (aku rasa ini berkat dari doa mak juga) kecemerlangan aku satu-satunya pengubat kekecewaan mak seluruh hidupnya..ingat lagi, ada orang berdengki hati dengan Mak, dulu mak yang berjaya mengajar 2 sesi sekolah agama, terpaksa mengajar satu sesi saja. Dengan alasan bahawa orang lain pun mengajar satu sesi sahaja, (Lupakah mereka bahawa mak ini ibu tunggal dan mereka semuanya berlaki, bersuami) Mak balas, tak mengapalah, biarlah rezeki mungkin Allah cukupkan untuk kita anak beranak..Subhanallah, sabar sungguh mak, (Kenapa aku tidak mengikut jejak langkahnya bersabar? kucuba InsyaAllah)..

Ingat lagi suatu ketika dulu, selepas kejadian dengki mendengki pada mak, kami jadi kurang pendapatan, lalu mak menebal muka menjual karipap ( aku yang menolongnya, ya kisah ini tiada seorang sahabatku pun yang tahu) dapatlah kami menambah sumber pendapatan..mungkin kalau bagi orang kampung, ini perkara normal, tapi kami di bandar, perkara ini menjadi sesuatu yang janggal..tapi mak kata mak bersabar..sementelah itu, along dan akak membuat hal mereka (yang disini tak perlu ku buka aib mereka) akulah yang menjadi tempat mak mencurah rasa..tangisan mak mengiringi malam-malam kami berjaga menyiapkan karipap...

Semiskin-miskin mak, dia sanggup menjaga lagi nenek yang ketika itu kepingin benar mahu tinggal bersama kami..mujur, kami tinggal 3 beranak saja, jadi sedikit sebanyak kehadiran nenek menambah ceria di rumah..nenek berselera yang macam-macam dan pelik-pelik..mak turutkan semuanya..sedangkan masa itu duit menjadi kekangan..mak sabar..mak kata, ini masa dia, nanti masa mak, mak harap aku dapat menjaganya seperti itu juga.. aku menekadkan azam, aku mahu jadi seperti mak juga..


Sampai ketika aku dapat melanjutkan pelajaran ke UKM..mak bereaksi bersahaja..namun pada kawan-kawan rapatnya dia salurkan kegembiraannya dengan mengkhabarkan kejayaan aku ke menara gading..cik kiah, cik leha, cik yati dan cik nisah..semua dikhabarkan gembira bahawa aku dapat menjejakkan kaki kemenara gading..bidang apa? bidang biomodikul katakanya, hehehe mak kepingin benar aku mendapat medik, tapi gabungan biosains dan biomolekul jadilah biomodikul, aku ketawa kecil di belakang pintu..geli hati melihat mak gembira..walau tidak berjaya mendapat bidang yang mencabar itu

kuharapkan panas hingga ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengahari..kegembiraan aku untuk pulang bercuti bersama mak di tahun satu bertukar menjadi suatu mimpi ngeri bagiku..ateh dan pakteh menjemput ku pulang dari kolej, aku bertanya dalam hati, kenapa mereka yang menjemputku?bukankah aku ini berdikari orangnya? aku boleh sahaja balik naik komuter, bukan? ateh menjawab, mak lin ada di hukm, kena bedah..bla..bla..bla..ayat kemudiannya aku hilang daripada pendengaranku..

aku menjaga mak dengan harapan semoga mak sembuh, tempat tidurku adalah dibangku di luar icu. Malu? sudah jatuh nombr berapa, aku pun tak tahu..setiap malam, bila pintu icu terbuka dan nama keluarga dipanggil, hati berderau..mak akhirnya pergi jua menghadap Allah yang maha agung lagi maha suci..genap sebulan 13 hari aku di icu..

Jenazah mak kami kuburkan..namun aku redha atas ketetapan Allah yang mempunyai seribu hikmah ini..Allah telah menyediakan ketetapan atas segala sesuatu..Muka mak yang berseri seumpama dia sewaktu pulang dari haji meredhakan hati aku..merelakan dia pergi..Allah menyayangi mak lebih dari kami menyayanginya..maka kami redha Ya Allah..

Bayangkan betapa sunyinya hatiku setelah kepergian dia dalam hidupku? Tinggal aku dan adikku sahaja dalam rumah itu..Mujur Allah ada menemani kami, sekurang-kurangnya padaDia kami bermohon kasih dan ehsan..

Aku berharap agar Allah mencucuri Rahmat kepada Mak..Aminnn..

No one can ever replace u mak..

(Penulis menangis di akhir nukilan..... kisah ini hanya 5 % daripada pengorbanan mak yang tidak sempat saya nukilkan di sisni atas kekangan masa)

TLC..

I was not feeling well last weekend. i had diarrhea and vomited several times. Maybe because of the food poisoning or maybe i was intoxicated by the mixture of chemicals that made myself to scrub the bathroom (thanks to the How clean is Ur house Series that i got this uneasy feeling). the chemicals was a mixture of turpentine and 2 spoon of a salt. It actually really worked on the molds that lives happily ever after on my bathroom wall. But due to the strong smell of turpentine, i only managed to made it half way. 16 hours later, i was waken up by the emergency call of nature..and vomited seven times until i puked out on everything left in my stomach..i feel real real bad..can even eat, cant even sleep, and to make it worst, i had this all by myself, no one in the house..well, i convinced myself that i had experienced this before and i told myself that that i would be all O.K.. (err i guess..)

With the bad feelings and need TLC much2 more than my normal, i really hoped that my fiance would give me some times as the cure (i cant even get up to take my pills) but..it turned out not to be the way i want it to be..we had this huge argument (i think because of miscommunication) and i end up by merajuk..

I had already figured this out before..

All i need is TLC..

and now what i really need is my time ALONE...

even i had already much of it..

Friday, May 9, 2008

Just breath....

What would you do when u are under pressure of certain uncertain things?
Well, i had this habit that strikes me once in a while..if i am having this syndrome, i clean my whole house, had it vacuum and even mopped it with scented disinfectants, scrub my bathroom, rearranged my wardrobe and baked a chocolate cake in one whole day.

One of my nieces (who is turning 5 this year ) shocked me with this "min, kalau min penat, dah2 la buat keje tu, rehat dulu"


And my brother would stop me from doing other chores.

Err am i normal or is there anyone out there that would do the same like me?

uncertain thing...

I forget how to properly breath again..

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Kenapa 5??

Ooooh..saya telah ditag oleh kawan saya, ayin..

Di celah-celah kesibukan..

So here it goes..(maaf kalau pewrmintaan saya ini agak mahal..ya, ya..saya tahu saya tak mampu lagi buat masa sekarang, tapi bak kata orang, tak kena bayar pun kalau berangan, bukan?)


Lima hadiah impian saya, dan alasan saya mengimpikan mereka:



Apple laptop..bagi menggantikan laptop saya yang dah kopak ni, huhu...

Clarks shoes..Siapa yang tidak mahukan keselesaan..?


hehehe..yang ni tak perlula nak diceritakan lagi, bukan?? Triton Mitsubishi

hahaha..muslimah swim wear..untuk kecebur2 bersama2 kawan2..


New tennis racquet..yang lama dah lunyai..huhuhuk

Lima impresi terhadap orang yang diminati:


Dia...
  1. Kekasih Allah
  2. Beriman
  3. Terlalu banyak berkorban
  4. Pandai menghiburkan hati para sahabat
  5. Kesabarannya begitu tinggi (Saya selalu menangis diam2 bila mendengar kisah pengorbanan Beliau menyampaikan ajaran Allah, hehe nak nanges terang2an nanti takut digelakkan pula)
Dia adalah Rasullullah, idol saya..

Perkara paling hebat pernah dilakukan untuk anda:

Islam..yang disampaikan kepada saya, Alhamdulillah...

Lima ciptaan paling digemari:
  1. Komputer/internet/wifi: orang yang menciptanya sungguh genius.
  2. Handphone: evolusi selepas komputer
  3. Aiskrim
  4. Kereta: genius.genius.genius.
  5. Kasut: My obsession.
Maha suci Allah yang menciptakan semua....

Lima perkara yang paling dibenci:
  1. Keadaan yang pakej ini: Panas, ramai orang bersesak2 dan kelaparan. (Contoh: sila pergi ke jalan TAR untuk shopping seminggu sebelum puasa)
  2. Orang yang meninggi diri
  3. Avanza drivers (yang buat jahat kepada saya di jalan raya )
  4. Orang yang tahu hukum hakam agama melebihi orang biasa, tapi buat2 tak endah akan dosa pahala)
  5. Orang yang tidak tahu menghormati perasaan orang lain a.k.a sellfish. Bila masa susah minta tolong pada kita, tapi masa senang hilang berterbangan entah kemana, and at the end datang kembali kepada kita,..my say: Er..go to hell..

Lima orang yang anda mahu tag ini disambung

  1. Yong,
  2. Ima,
  3. Mint
  4. Mama Izz
  5. Yan






Friday, April 25, 2008

Pagi yang gelap..

This morning started off not as good as i expected it to be. There was one silly reckless driver who own avanza ( i dont know why Avanza driver always being a stuck up snobbish reckless driver towards me on road). The traffic lights was just turning green and suddenly the bastard honked me like he was the only one who has honk in the world? I was talking to my sick brother who had fever. And the car in front of me was barely moved at the time. Was he trying to tell me that i should crash the car in front of me to let him pass me much quicker about 1 minute? Stuck up nyer!! Geram aku..

So that was how my cold breezy morning turned out to be hot one. Part of me says i should ignore the bastards and chill out a bit. But half of me says that i should crash the car with no mercy. I dont know.. emm.. i opt for the first choice.

So..I cant be more wrong that remembering Allah is the best and easier way to calm my self down. Automatically, i can feel the adrenaline rush of anger disappear in no time just saying Allah and istighfar. Hehehe i am no more Naomi Campbell baby!! hahahaha..if only Ayin know i have changed a bit, mesti dia terkejut..hakhakhak..

That was how my morning goes..i hope that the driver will learn how to respect others as how he respect himself.

Proclaimation: I AM NOW OFFICIALLY AVANZA HATERS. TQ. (SORRY TO SAY THIS, BUT I JUST HAVE A BAD KARMA WITH THIS LITTLE MAGGOT KINDA CAR)

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Great Escape...

Pictures speaks for the feelings..
  1. When we arrived at the Piers awaiting for the boat..Look how silly me try to shorten myself ..
3. Friends for 15 years..still counting (quotes from yong)

4. Lihatlah..Malu konon2...pasni tengoklah..huahuahua


5. One of the things that i really wanna do in my whole life..Peduli ar apa orang lain nak kata..hahahaha

6. On top of the World?? nahh i dont think so..Free styler...

7. After the boat drifting..yang pada mulanya takut terketar lutut, tapi akhirnya berani duduk depan bot...ngee

8. With ABG BOAT yang memang pandai mendriftkan botnya bersama2 penumpang yang semuanya ketakutan..terrified still. with the drifting but still had to smile( for picture sake)

9. Gambar kontroversi: Mieyn the LOchness? cess..hahaha memang mcm antu air pon..

10. With Yan.,.. Perfect Morning with Sea Breeze..


11. Still BOAT DRIFTING.. Tengok..tengok mata saya bulat! hehehe Yan jadi Ultraman Taro versi tak berapa jadi..hehehehehe

12. Wahhh..Seronotnyer!!


13. Seronot kali kedua..Sampai taknak naik darat..hehehe


14. After cycling session..Touche!!



15. Me. Smilling like no tomorrow..

16. Nak balik dah..Bye Pangkor..Sweetest memory ever..