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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Three days grace..

This world will never be, what I expected.
And if I don't belong who would have guessed it?
I will not leave alone everything that I own
to make you feel like it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
still I hear you say you want to end your life...
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around,
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.

No one will ever see this side reflected. And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it...?
And I have left alone everything that I own.
To make you feel like it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around,
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late...

The world we knew won't come back.
The time we've lost can't get back.
The life we had won't be ours again.

This world will never be what I expected.
And if I don't belong.

Even if I say "It will be all right,"
Still I hear you say you want to end your life.
Now and again we try to just stay alive.
Maybe we'll turn it around
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.

Maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause it's not too late.
It's never too late.(It's never too late!)
It's not too late.
It's never too late.


This cool masterpiece is my fav song for the time being..if you look back the lyrics and the meaning between those lines, somehow it would reflect the life anyone of us..and i love to hear if David Cook sing this songs with his guitar..it would be niceyy..

Anyway, life has been pretty collided nowadays. while im trying harder to finish up what i have started, everything seems to push me even harder..apparently it was all regarding my thesis. After almost a year of waiting, i managed to gain my guts to tell him that i was not really satisfied the way he treat my thesis. And that was done via email though (coz it will not be spoken by me properly face to face)..

and i didnt get his reply for those 3 days back (due to the holiday)

And i was awaken by his sms telling me to send back my abstract in malay and english the next morning ( at this point, i was so at the hype of energy and very thankful coz he was willingly (so i thought he would be one) checking my thesis in a prior state)

and the next morning too, as i wanted to send my abstract, i was again awaken by the reply
"I dont like your explanation and thank you for telling me that i am not doing my job". Boleh?

Rasa nak menangis.

Why he could not see it my way? Even at least consider it? Who would have guessed it right? Muka baik, smiley all the time will treat you like........rubbish. There. i said it this time around. (im sorry for the harsh word)

Im just hoping he could understand my situation (as i trade my pride and guts just to blurt out on everything ) and have some mercy on me please.

And Yong had advised me to report to the higher authorities for this circumstances. that serious?

Moral of the story, never assumed anyone that is looking all right on the surface will be good inside out too. I happened to have experience with this kind of people. And vice versa.

P/s: To those who read my blog and happen to know who is my supervisor is, please dont expose this lil' anger to him ( for the fact that i dont mix up personal and profession all together)





Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Inspiron..

Last weekend was filled up with shopping session with kak bai, my beloved ex room mate cum my sister. We went to buy her a laptop at low yat Plaza at bukit bintang area..after wandering the 4th level about half day long, she managed to get herself a firm grip on decision.

It was Dell Inspiron 1520 series. It was in whitey colur baby!!! cantik giler.. it looks nice, sophisticated and giddy..hehehe

Mid-size (6.40 lb), This series 1520 features an Intel Core Duo Processor (up to 2.5 GHz) with , integrated Intel X3100 or NVIDIA GeForce Go 8400M GS/8600M GT. (Note for those who buta I.T like me, NVIDIA GeForce is for graphic design and gaming, pendek kata kalau ada benda alah ni, gambar grafik lagi cantikla..)

AND It comes in a variety of colours too..geram je..

And one of my friends has said that i have the power of charming in begging for mercy in order to get some freebies and the list goes as:

1) One laptop bag pack (it was black in colour..so..so..elegant)
2) One Dell laptop bag (yang biasa punyer)
3) One Note book lock
4) One cooling Fan Pad
5) USB Port
6) Wireless Mouse
7) 2 units of 2 Gig pen drive of Kingston Brand (one is for me, kata kak bai, upah air liur.hahahaa)
8) One woofer speaker
9) One earphone and Mic

hehehe..

And later that night i brought her to Down town cheras for some underground planning to be work in near future (also cant wait for this thing to be accomplish)..



Thursday, May 15, 2008

To Dear Somebody (Respective person only my heart knows)

I feel so vulnerable right now...

I am tired and so sick of my condition right now.

I have to get some rest somewhere in my territory..

I am so vulnerable just because i am introvert and do not have a good enough interpersonal skills that can make me mingling with other.


Sometimes i feel some people will only judge me on the surface.

They do not have any idea on what i am and what i am capable of..

You know what? i dont even give a damn care about what your expectation on me cause you have O(ZERO) on me.

Ok, this is to the people who is looking down on me
1. Even u are somebody, i just wanna tell u that i am not as what u are expecting
2. I know what i am, and what i am capable of
3. I am strong and independent and i dont even crack under great damn pressure(I live by my own, drives my own car, i dont call my daddy just to get my car
serviced, ok?)

4. And YOU, will NOT bring me down. EVER AGAIN!

Ok..im through..fuhhh...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What a nite!

Last night i had a mixture of exciting dreams i must say (err..even some horror element was there too)..

I was in an army squad where my team must escape from U.S. Troop and we had (i dont even know my team members in the dreams) our face covered with black ink to camouflage ourselves from the U.S. Very enticingly, there was a scene where i was about to climb up a stairs and had to laid down because the U.S troop was behind me and it was so dark that they didnt even noticed that i was there! at the same stairs! hahaha..lawaknyer la.. and it was very exciting feeling u know..( I must say that i am rarely have a dream during my sleep time, and maybe because of this, i feel this dream is quit interesting)..

And we managed to escape..

Then suddenly out of no where, i was in the middle of the CSI site where i was totally in no more army suit, and i had to follow the suspects to reveal where she had the corps hidden. And the women is so skinny and has this dull and pale face ( err she seems so spooky and scary) and it seems that we were all alone at the crime site..

I had to bent down again and to my surprise, i finally saw the dead bodies were hanging up upon the wall and the blood was everywhere..and she was smiling mischievously towards me ..

and then we were at the police station ( to my surprise the station was at Sunway Pyramid, boleh?) and there was no one there and soon after i want to go out, the women hold my hands and said that she wants to follow me (knowing how her modus operandi, it really bothered me at that time) and i said that "no, u cant come with me, your place is here"

i said it firmly. No doubts. I was scared. Very much indeed.

and kapoof!! i woke up at 4.30 a.m..

and i feel really scared and since i was having the bad time with my fiance, i cant seems to SMS him to tell him that im scared, am i? (babes, tak machola kan?)

hahaha

What a nite!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Selamat Hari Ibu, MAK...

Selamat Hari Ibu, MAK...

Ada yang memanggil dengan panggilan ibu, mak, bonda, umi , mama, mummy and etc,...tapi aku memanggil insan istimewa yang melahirkan manusia bernama norazrin ini dengan panggilan MAK..

Kisah aku dengannya tidak lama..hanya bertahan dalam masa 19 tahun, 3 bulan, 2 hari..namun aku amat berterima kasih kepadanya kerana melaluinya aku kini Alhamdulillah telah menjadi orang yang berguna (setidak2nya tidak lagi membebankan sesiapa)

Sejak aku berusia 6 tahun lagi, abah, lelaki yang sepatutnya membela kami anak beranak telah memilih jalan hidupnya sendri, membuatkan mak dan 4 lagi anaknya (termasuk adikku yang cacat pendengaran) terkapai-kapai hidup sendirian. Mak pada awalnya berendam air mata saban hari, aku dan kakak tidak mengerti apa2..hanya memandang dengan penuh pengharapan supaya mak dapat menjadi seorang wanita yang gembira macam masa dulu..tapi mak menangis, kami dibawa berjalan-jalan ke merata tempat (dengan niat dapat ditipu dan ditutup penderitaan mak) oleh makcik2 dan pakcik2..sehinggalah mak dapat menerima hakikat dan mulai berdiri atas kakinya sendiri..

Sejak hari itu, aku tidak pernah melihat mak menangis lagi, mungkin pilihan yang dibuat adalah jangan menoleh kebelakang lagi. Dengan tulang 4 kerat mak, kami disekolahkan (benar, aku tidak pernah dibiaya abah seluruh persekolahanku) along dan akak disebabkan tekanan yang dihadapi dan kurang bimbingan , tidak begitu menyerlah dalam persekolahan..otak kanak-kanakku berfikir dan mula berimaginasi, along dan akak sebenarnya pandai, kata hatiku memujuk diri..

Tahun berganti tahun..Darjah 6 aku telah mengecewakan mak dengan keputusan upsr yang kurang cemerlang. Mak yang ketika itu cuba menyembunyikan perasaan kecewa berlagak seperti biasa. Namun dari riak wajahnya aku tahu.. sejak itu aku berazam menebus kembali..

Kenangan disekolah yang tidak dapat aku lupakan adalah masa itu hujan lebat, aku di tingkatan satu..dari kejauhan aku lihat mak meredah hujan dengan payungnya menjemputku, air mataku pada ketika itu mencurah-curah dan mak hairan sambil ketawa melihat aku menangis, mak kata aku kememeh..ya mak, aku anak kamu yang kememeh..

Kekecewaan mak dapat kutebus melalui keputusan pmr yang cemerlang (aku rasa ini berkat dari doa mak juga) kecemerlangan aku satu-satunya pengubat kekecewaan mak seluruh hidupnya..ingat lagi, ada orang berdengki hati dengan Mak, dulu mak yang berjaya mengajar 2 sesi sekolah agama, terpaksa mengajar satu sesi saja. Dengan alasan bahawa orang lain pun mengajar satu sesi sahaja, (Lupakah mereka bahawa mak ini ibu tunggal dan mereka semuanya berlaki, bersuami) Mak balas, tak mengapalah, biarlah rezeki mungkin Allah cukupkan untuk kita anak beranak..Subhanallah, sabar sungguh mak, (Kenapa aku tidak mengikut jejak langkahnya bersabar? kucuba InsyaAllah)..

Ingat lagi suatu ketika dulu, selepas kejadian dengki mendengki pada mak, kami jadi kurang pendapatan, lalu mak menebal muka menjual karipap ( aku yang menolongnya, ya kisah ini tiada seorang sahabatku pun yang tahu) dapatlah kami menambah sumber pendapatan..mungkin kalau bagi orang kampung, ini perkara normal, tapi kami di bandar, perkara ini menjadi sesuatu yang janggal..tapi mak kata mak bersabar..sementelah itu, along dan akak membuat hal mereka (yang disini tak perlu ku buka aib mereka) akulah yang menjadi tempat mak mencurah rasa..tangisan mak mengiringi malam-malam kami berjaga menyiapkan karipap...

Semiskin-miskin mak, dia sanggup menjaga lagi nenek yang ketika itu kepingin benar mahu tinggal bersama kami..mujur, kami tinggal 3 beranak saja, jadi sedikit sebanyak kehadiran nenek menambah ceria di rumah..nenek berselera yang macam-macam dan pelik-pelik..mak turutkan semuanya..sedangkan masa itu duit menjadi kekangan..mak sabar..mak kata, ini masa dia, nanti masa mak, mak harap aku dapat menjaganya seperti itu juga.. aku menekadkan azam, aku mahu jadi seperti mak juga..


Sampai ketika aku dapat melanjutkan pelajaran ke UKM..mak bereaksi bersahaja..namun pada kawan-kawan rapatnya dia salurkan kegembiraannya dengan mengkhabarkan kejayaan aku ke menara gading..cik kiah, cik leha, cik yati dan cik nisah..semua dikhabarkan gembira bahawa aku dapat menjejakkan kaki kemenara gading..bidang apa? bidang biomodikul katakanya, hehehe mak kepingin benar aku mendapat medik, tapi gabungan biosains dan biomolekul jadilah biomodikul, aku ketawa kecil di belakang pintu..geli hati melihat mak gembira..walau tidak berjaya mendapat bidang yang mencabar itu

kuharapkan panas hingga ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengahari..kegembiraan aku untuk pulang bercuti bersama mak di tahun satu bertukar menjadi suatu mimpi ngeri bagiku..ateh dan pakteh menjemput ku pulang dari kolej, aku bertanya dalam hati, kenapa mereka yang menjemputku?bukankah aku ini berdikari orangnya? aku boleh sahaja balik naik komuter, bukan? ateh menjawab, mak lin ada di hukm, kena bedah..bla..bla..bla..ayat kemudiannya aku hilang daripada pendengaranku..

aku menjaga mak dengan harapan semoga mak sembuh, tempat tidurku adalah dibangku di luar icu. Malu? sudah jatuh nombr berapa, aku pun tak tahu..setiap malam, bila pintu icu terbuka dan nama keluarga dipanggil, hati berderau..mak akhirnya pergi jua menghadap Allah yang maha agung lagi maha suci..genap sebulan 13 hari aku di icu..

Jenazah mak kami kuburkan..namun aku redha atas ketetapan Allah yang mempunyai seribu hikmah ini..Allah telah menyediakan ketetapan atas segala sesuatu..Muka mak yang berseri seumpama dia sewaktu pulang dari haji meredhakan hati aku..merelakan dia pergi..Allah menyayangi mak lebih dari kami menyayanginya..maka kami redha Ya Allah..

Bayangkan betapa sunyinya hatiku setelah kepergian dia dalam hidupku? Tinggal aku dan adikku sahaja dalam rumah itu..Mujur Allah ada menemani kami, sekurang-kurangnya padaDia kami bermohon kasih dan ehsan..

Aku berharap agar Allah mencucuri Rahmat kepada Mak..Aminnn..

No one can ever replace u mak..

(Penulis menangis di akhir nukilan..... kisah ini hanya 5 % daripada pengorbanan mak yang tidak sempat saya nukilkan di sisni atas kekangan masa)

TLC..

I was not feeling well last weekend. i had diarrhea and vomited several times. Maybe because of the food poisoning or maybe i was intoxicated by the mixture of chemicals that made myself to scrub the bathroom (thanks to the How clean is Ur house Series that i got this uneasy feeling). the chemicals was a mixture of turpentine and 2 spoon of a salt. It actually really worked on the molds that lives happily ever after on my bathroom wall. But due to the strong smell of turpentine, i only managed to made it half way. 16 hours later, i was waken up by the emergency call of nature..and vomited seven times until i puked out on everything left in my stomach..i feel real real bad..can even eat, cant even sleep, and to make it worst, i had this all by myself, no one in the house..well, i convinced myself that i had experienced this before and i told myself that that i would be all O.K.. (err i guess..)

With the bad feelings and need TLC much2 more than my normal, i really hoped that my fiance would give me some times as the cure (i cant even get up to take my pills) but..it turned out not to be the way i want it to be..we had this huge argument (i think because of miscommunication) and i end up by merajuk..

I had already figured this out before..

All i need is TLC..

and now what i really need is my time ALONE...

even i had already much of it..

Friday, May 9, 2008

Just breath....

What would you do when u are under pressure of certain uncertain things?
Well, i had this habit that strikes me once in a while..if i am having this syndrome, i clean my whole house, had it vacuum and even mopped it with scented disinfectants, scrub my bathroom, rearranged my wardrobe and baked a chocolate cake in one whole day.

One of my nieces (who is turning 5 this year ) shocked me with this "min, kalau min penat, dah2 la buat keje tu, rehat dulu"


And my brother would stop me from doing other chores.

Err am i normal or is there anyone out there that would do the same like me?

uncertain thing...

I forget how to properly breath again..

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Kenapa 5??

Ooooh..saya telah ditag oleh kawan saya, ayin..

Di celah-celah kesibukan..

So here it goes..(maaf kalau pewrmintaan saya ini agak mahal..ya, ya..saya tahu saya tak mampu lagi buat masa sekarang, tapi bak kata orang, tak kena bayar pun kalau berangan, bukan?)


Lima hadiah impian saya, dan alasan saya mengimpikan mereka:



Apple laptop..bagi menggantikan laptop saya yang dah kopak ni, huhu...

Clarks shoes..Siapa yang tidak mahukan keselesaan..?


hehehe..yang ni tak perlula nak diceritakan lagi, bukan?? Triton Mitsubishi

hahaha..muslimah swim wear..untuk kecebur2 bersama2 kawan2..


New tennis racquet..yang lama dah lunyai..huhuhuk

Lima impresi terhadap orang yang diminati:


Dia...
  1. Kekasih Allah
  2. Beriman
  3. Terlalu banyak berkorban
  4. Pandai menghiburkan hati para sahabat
  5. Kesabarannya begitu tinggi (Saya selalu menangis diam2 bila mendengar kisah pengorbanan Beliau menyampaikan ajaran Allah, hehe nak nanges terang2an nanti takut digelakkan pula)
Dia adalah Rasullullah, idol saya..

Perkara paling hebat pernah dilakukan untuk anda:

Islam..yang disampaikan kepada saya, Alhamdulillah...

Lima ciptaan paling digemari:
  1. Komputer/internet/wifi: orang yang menciptanya sungguh genius.
  2. Handphone: evolusi selepas komputer
  3. Aiskrim
  4. Kereta: genius.genius.genius.
  5. Kasut: My obsession.
Maha suci Allah yang menciptakan semua....

Lima perkara yang paling dibenci:
  1. Keadaan yang pakej ini: Panas, ramai orang bersesak2 dan kelaparan. (Contoh: sila pergi ke jalan TAR untuk shopping seminggu sebelum puasa)
  2. Orang yang meninggi diri
  3. Avanza drivers (yang buat jahat kepada saya di jalan raya )
  4. Orang yang tahu hukum hakam agama melebihi orang biasa, tapi buat2 tak endah akan dosa pahala)
  5. Orang yang tidak tahu menghormati perasaan orang lain a.k.a sellfish. Bila masa susah minta tolong pada kita, tapi masa senang hilang berterbangan entah kemana, and at the end datang kembali kepada kita,..my say: Er..go to hell..

Lima orang yang anda mahu tag ini disambung

  1. Yong,
  2. Ima,
  3. Mint
  4. Mama Izz
  5. Yan