My Fall..

Maybe it is not my time yet. But i just have to admit that i am too, i mean, too giving up on my work life. I have not being paid up for nearly 2 months, and etc2..

Now, the phrase of " Overwork, underpaid" is no longer applicable in my life.

"Overwork, WITHOUT WTF paid" is much more likely to fit in.

I'm gonna quit my job, yeah, eventually.

And i feel totally such a loser right now.
Sometimes i can be so strong and i can tell myself, i can overcome this, I can face this up, i can stand this on my own feet.

But i have to put back my feet on the ground by admitting that staying "here" is just a waste of time.

Life just work differently on people. Some are being given so much bless and easiness in their way.


But some, like me, It is the other way around. Maybe some of you that is so eager to know how my life really was like, could be smiling up to your ear reading my fall this time of my life. Like, someone that could do anything just to know my private life, even you have to google down just to search for my trolley-sucks-outdoor-moments for my wedding picture. There, I said it!

And this time, I now know that who is really true friend of mine. Because, one could offer their shoulder for me to cry, one could even offer me money if i really in need, one will always ask about how am i being doing, still alive or not..

BUT, some who claimed them self true friend of mine would just pretend to care about me, or even ask me about my conditions before we switch off to their problems, and i, have to bear my damn ear to hear your so called pathetic life.

Ohh, life could be good and at the same time cruel if i can spill that to your faces, right?

Come on, just laugh ALL you need!

This is my time to fall.

But when i regain myself up, there is no way you can see me falling again. That, i assure you.

It ALL about.......

I:

1) Have been longing to have a pair of clarks/crocs shoe. I just realize a bruise on my toe after the high-heels-interview-sucks-kinda moment.

2) Do not want to work here anymore. Boss, if you want to sack me, please do so. So i can leave in peace. Peace yo!

3) Pregnant. Yes, 4 and a half months already.

4) Getting fat and fatter everyday even i dont consume that much.

5) Love my friends, Yong, Ayin, Ima, Yan, Lin, Ina.

6) Hungry at this moment. Logic?

7) Like to have cendol by the road side by now.

8) Gonna get it now.

9) Shall wait for my colleague.

Is this entry is all about me, getting cendol? erghhhhh!! tension!

Temuduga lagi

Wah! Hari yang sangat penat dan hampir2 memutuskan semangat saya nak bekerja dengan kerajaan. (Or in other words to get the new job and run for my life from my current workplace haha).

Jadi, bertolak dari rumah seawal mungkin dan memandu macam orang tak cukup tanah, saya sempat tiba ditempat kejadian pada sebelum waktu pendaftaran dan waktu itu barisan yang beratur sudah hampir ke luar tempat.

So pendek kata, ibu mengandung yang memakai high heels dan berjalan jauh ini terpaksa beratur dan berdiri selama 2 jam setengah. Ya. High endurance ya?

So finally the interview was done in a group of five people. Biasalah, interview kerajaan mesti ada sesi perbincangan. Oh, not to mention the interview sessions was conducted fully in english.

Tapi saya kasihan dengan seorang budak ni yang fresh grad dan saya rasa dia gemuruh menyebabkan dia langsung tak dapat bercakap dalam bahasa inggeris.

And on my way back after the interview, i came upon this old couple waiting for the daughter outside under the sun. They looked very lovely and charmed towards each other. I just smile and they smiled back.

Pakcik: Dah habes dah? (the interview)
Me: Dah. Sambil tersenyum
Pakcik: Ada dia orang marah kamu? Kalau ada biar pakcik marah balik. (cewah, konon2 macam dah lama kenal)
Me: Makcik and pakcik tengah tunggu anak ke? Panas ni..sian.
Makcik: Aah, tengah tunggu anak, takpelah, berkorban demi anak.. (sambil tersenyum.)

Dalam hati saya berkata, wah, baik sungguh makcik dan pakcik ni. sanggup berkorban untuk anak. Ramai mak bapak yang sanggup berkorban untuk anak.

Tapi ramai ke anak yang sanggup berkorban untuk mak dan bapa mereka?

Selamat hari ibu..

Saya tiada ibu lagi. Sudah lapan tahun berlalu. Saya masih lagi rasa kehilangan itu. Rasa kosong itu masih ada. Tiada yang dapat menggantikan tempatnya lagi. Ya, hidup mesti diteruskan.

Saya ada gambar dengan ibu. Cuma gambarnya dalam hard copy.
Saya tak perlu mempamirkanya disini. Ia ada dalam ingatan saya. Wajah ibu, maksud saya.

I do not want to be mellow today.
Tapi, bila ada rakan sekerja yang baru kehilangan ibu bulan lepas beritahu saya tadi, saya jadi terpempan. Saya turut bersedih. Tapi rasa numbness itu ada kekal tadi.

Bagi orang yang pernah merasai kehilangan ibu, tahulah rasa itu.
Bagi yang menghargai ibu mereka, tahniah.

Tapi bagi yang membuat ibu mereka merana? Yang mengherdik ibu yang melahirkan, yang mengabaikan ibu mereka, tambah pula yang menyeksa, sepak terajang ibu yang pernah membelai mereka. Saya tiada kata lain. Neraka jahanamlah tempat mereka kalau mereka masih lagi tak sedar akan keberdosaan mereka itu.

Macam rancangan semanis kurma minggu lepas, seorang ibu mengadu, anaknya sendiri memukul, menyeksa dan sanggup memfitnah ibu dia sendiri. Nauzubillah.

Buat mereka yang seperti itu, saya selalu terfikir, tidak tahu dosa kah mereka ini?
Kamu tidak lagi kehilangan mak, kamu tak tahu lagi apa rasanya.

Anyway, saya rindu sangat-sangat arwah ibu saya..

Quit or not?

I been sitting here, so deep-in-thought of quitting my job. But so much in my mind that bears me. and hold me into stagnant.

This workplace are:

1. Too far away from my home. I had to commute 70km daily.
2. The salary is so so so not worth the tasks. I bet you, my sis with just her minimal qualification (SPM) is way better than me.
   

Okay, that just the reason i could reveal here. I am so dissapointed with everything that happened and thus blaming myself for the fact that i had over-expected from myself. I had no idea where went wrong. Maybe this is life. This is it.

I had to call it a day.

Chaoww.