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Friday, September 19, 2008

Innocent Man

I was pondering on how this life can change us.

Into something we are not. Or Destined to be.

Oh, that was just my thoughts. I had a lot of them this time around.

I was just finished 2 novels of Grisham's and maybe you might think that i should evolve too, rather than reading from the same author again and again. Oh, i just do not know. I fell in love with him. His writting and ideas. Superb and brilliant. At least that was my opinion.

One of the recommended novel of him ( if u are into suspense, thriller and excitement except for the fact you will learn a whole lot of Law's term in it), is The Innocent Man. It was the last book from him that i read and most frank and true story of all. Based on a true life of innocent man and i guaranteed to you that it is gonna be turning pages that kept you from doing anything!huhuhu.

Even i scared to plowed under it and survives knowing it's ending.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Just go with the flow,..

I had such a calamity about myself lately but i just go plowed with it. Ramadan seems nice to me, though, and somehow i would feel such at ease by this blessed month. Even i have to berbuka puasa with only me and my brother, or just me alone. Having thought of how i missed the family environment making me feel a bit mellow. But i guess, hey, this is the way my life is and there is nothing wrong about it. OR, at least i have my brother to accompany me to berbuka puasa. Just lacking all family material. Thats just it.

Sometimes i can be down even by all time i am a optimist kinda person. I always told myself that i have to be thankful of what Allah had gave me. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Since i am lacking of family material and stuff like, in other words, a real family environment, i really hoping for my friends. Even i had little of them and some are escaping with their own life that was just fine with me. And it is naturally that we seldom will hurts somebody else's feeling without us realizing it. Just the other day i had hurt my colleague feeling unintentionally and i totally regretted it. Since i already considered her as a dear sister of mine and presumed she can take all the pranks and jokes that had been threw to her by US actually.

Quickly i realized the cold and silence treatment from her and i began to ask for apologize from her the same day. And i think even it has been rectified i presumed, the things can not be the same as before. I will not repeat the same thing again, never exhume the things on my own again and will always alert by where the limit is.

So i was wondering what is the best way to be your self and still able not to hurt some one's feeling?

So that was it.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I want that!

I am a complicated person by sometime in my life. I think of too much and expecting too much out of it and resulting me the severe exorbitant pain in the arse i must say.Is it that maybe i like to torture myself or it just by the nature? See? i am thinking too much.

I am extreme.

Sometimes i think too much like i said. Sometimes i do not want to think of any.
But i am doing a lot of thinking lately about what lay ahead of me for me.

I had a friend who i considered her as my rival of a lifetime. She is very-very persuasive and had a low tolerance for her ambiguity in life. Maybe, i think that her life is almost perfect that makes her that way. And for that i envy her. She always knew what she wants and it seems that life is always cater her needs. Or was i just exaggerated?

And now she is pursuing her PhD in Edinburgh and of course was fully funded. Now i have the reason to be envy right?

But when i think into it deeply i found that maybe this is the best that Allah give me for my very good own sake.

But it is not wrong to be a competitious right people? In a good way though.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Ramadan Al-Mubarak


Oh saya sebenarnya sungguh bersyukur dan gembira kerana diberi Allah peluang untuk menikmati kelazatan beribadah di bulan puasa ini, Alhamdulillah..saya berpeluang menikmati solat taraweh di masjid mukim saya dan..... A lot of things that i when i think it back, it were all funny.

Ceritanya begini, selalunya saya akan mengambil tempat saf yang agak terkebelakang kerana saya selalunya menunaikan ibadah solat taraweh sebanyak 8 rakaat sahaja (konon2 untuk memberi peluang ibu-ibu yang sudah uzur untuk berpahala lebih) tapi sebenarnya memudahkan saya untuk..hehhehehe you know what im saying.. ... Dan pada hari pertama, di saf hadapan saya datanglah seorang ibu dan dua orang anak perempuannya.Salah seorang anaknya saya kira belum lagi mumayyiz dan memakai telekung yang berkartun2 (boleh?) Sudah tentulah hati saya yang imannya senipis kulit bawang ini akan selalu berkata-kata and always being distracted by that. Seperti contoh, hati saya yang tidak kuat ini akan mengagak apakah yang akan dilakukan oleh budak ini nanti? Ya Allah, ampunkan lah dosa-dosa saya kerana ini..

Mahu dijadikan cerita, setelah saya berusaha mencuba untuk menetapkan hati dan diri untuk khusyuk, pada rakaat terakhir, sedang saya sujud, kepala saya terasa seperti di hantuk oleh kaki budak itu. Aduh, sakitnya bukan kepalang. Sabar. Sabar. Sabar. HAti saya dipujuk diri sendiri.

Hari kedua berjalan seperti biasa, namun tiba-tiba, saya ternampak akan kelibat budak itu lagi! Tiba-tiba hati saya berdebar, entah mengapa saya pun tidak tahu.huhu..Dalam hati saya berdoa, janganlah ditempatkan dia di hadapan saya lagi..Alhamdulillah, dia berada selang satu baris di hadapan saya..

Hari berikutnya, juga pada antara rakaat terakhir, saya di uji lagi. Tiba- tiba, datang seorang budak lelaki yang saya kira umurnya dalam 8-9 tahun dan bertubuh agak besar dan debab, datang di hadapan saya dan, cuba untuk lalu di sebelah saya. Dan di antara saf, manalah ada gap bukan? dan disebelah saya pula, dinding! Aduh. Saya tidak pasti sama ada saya mendapat pahala atau pun dosa, Ya Allah, Ampunilah aku atas sifat kekurangan ku ini..

As for the conclusion, i think that these were some of the ways Allah wants me to be more patience towards life ahead. I just thought to myself, how do people in Mekah Al Mukarramah could survive and tolerate towards each other in such much more worse condition than mine?