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Thursday, June 19, 2008

To L..this one is my heart out..

Basically, i find that blog is the only way to channel all of my feelings inside. Sometimes it gets even harder to speak up to people rather than blogging. Either way, some will find blogging is useless. So this is the only way to speak.

I do not know how "bitch" i am when it comes to the friends concepts. In the sense, i think i am losing some of friends by the time goes by.. I just do not know where it went wrong. whether i am snobbish-stuck up bitch, selfish or ignorant S.O.B., or taking them for granted??? perhaps?? i really need to know like sometime i feel like a cat who wanted to know the truth until it kills ya..So guys, if you read this out, i am open to accept the confessions.

Maybe you think that this is mushy thing to blog about, but to tell you the truth, i really value all of my trusted friend (the one who can/ used to be in my circle of life)...

i had 2 friends, L and D ( For her, i really do no want to talk about).... L is a teacher is some isolated area in sarawak or sabah eh? (i always get confused those sabah and sarawak area). i known her since i was at UKM and we get close to each other, We shared the same interest on tennis, clothes, shoes, loved hangin out together at KLCC (Masa naive dolu2 suka g sana), and we almost shared joyful and tears together.

I thought that she is my best friend at the time. If she cant remember all of my concerns where when nobody else wanted to take care of her, no one even wanted to be by her side when she needed companion,and no one even bother to bring her to the hospital when she was sick, i cant say more am i?. So ironically, NOW she went over blast in the friendster claiming that she had the best of friends and left me out of the list. Boleh? Sort of like ignoring my existence.

One thing that i notice to myself is that i am downright kinda person. I hate hypocracy and basically i just tell what inside my heart to people straight to their faces. To L, she claimed that her life is so unworthy just because she is still single. At first, i tried to console her and tell, "hey, it is ok to be single at this time around because u are still young, attractive and u have to enjoy life to the fullest".

She excepted it and this didn't last long. I didn't even bother to pick her calls during the night (where tomorrow is the working day), during kenduri (where i sneaked out from the crowd just to listen to her problem) and even during shower!. She didn't know this because i really care for her feeling ( tak mahu terasa hati)..

One day, i thought of it was better to tell her truth when she text me saying that why men can't understand her and why life is cruel to her and why everything seems wrong to her..My reply was,

"L, i think you like to complicate your life while it is not that bad. Come on, why dont you just relax and chill out and enjoy your life. By the least, u still have ur family, ur mum to turn too while im not, and there are a lot of people that are less fortunate than you"


There. I said it. And. Kappppooofff! Off she goes and never come back.

For L, i would like to say i never ditched her away from my life and i will never ever take back my word for the fact that it was all the truth. And if you can not except me and for what i said, u are welcome to hurt my heart back by telling me where i went wrong to u..




2 comments:

MortEscura said...

Hum, the thing with friends it's really complicated!
Each of you have their own lives, and when you realize, the ones that were most "dear" to you, are gone... :(

And then they change... (and you might change too);
things will never be the same!

So WEIRD!

People you trust, happen to leave too. It's sad.

I've had this friend for 10 years straight... my best friend!
When were about to go to high school, she didn't want to go,.. so she stayed behind, we stopped talking... was so awkward! She used to be my best friend!
When I hit high school, I found another friend... that has been my friend for 10 years now... and he ended up leaving too.
I got married, he got engaged... and "KAPOOF" ... friendship was gone!
It's sad, 'cause I look back, and those 2 people meant so much to me, and now? I barely know them, and they barely know me.
We were so alike, and we grew in such different directions.

You know what I mean?

If someone doesn't want to talk to you, maybe they don't want to be your friends, ends up being their loss!

So, don't worry... as long as you live, more friends will come, and who knows, some of them will stay! :)

Have a great day!

I really enjoyed your blog!

Feel free to check out mine (sounds like I'm advertising, which I'm not)! lol

Best Regards,
Ness.

aeryn said...

hi! thanks for the sincere comments..yeah life is complicated and it is up to us to decide..

anyway, thanks for reading my blog and hope we can be friend too..

btw, what's ur blog add?

regards,
aeryn